So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
