I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm at about main and main street
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
