It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
