only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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