i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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