I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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