so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
