New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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