dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
