She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
