it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
