You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
