I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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