Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
