I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
