well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
