Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
