from now on my penis is your penis
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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