do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it's like iHOP with fire
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
