so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
