you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
