hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
3 2 1 whiskey
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
