Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
