Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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