i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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