Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
