I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
