If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
