I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
