The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
