i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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