god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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