Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
