went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
