just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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