Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
