I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
