Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
