i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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