I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Randomize
