I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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