Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize