You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
