More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
