I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize