Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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