I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
