Slut skills are useful in every country.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
