Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
not ubering you a puppy
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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