whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
