We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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