my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am spending my child support on dildos
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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