How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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