the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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