there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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