i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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