It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we're making bets on your personal life
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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