3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
