Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
