Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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