So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
