Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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