he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
