My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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