can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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