Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Fuck me I smell like cheese
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
